Womanhood as It Stands Today
What is it, and how did we get here?
An entire library (or two) could be filled with books on women's history, what women think about women, what men think about women, what women have done and should do and should not do and... oh, it's exhausting. A broad sketch brings us to the present moment: cruel restrictions of the cultural abberation that was the 1950s led to a pendulum swing in the 1960-70s that we have never recovered from. Throw in the internet and you end up with the deafening din of voices we have now.
The Iceberg of Insanity
If you've made it to this webpage, you know that graphic design is NOT one of my talents. Alas, here is my Iceberg of Insanity:
But wait, what's that noise? I think I hear the iceberg cracking...
The Golden Mean
Getting Greeky With It
Aristotle discusses this idea of "the golden mean" at length in Book II of Nicomachean Ethics. Essentially, it is the idea that true virtue is to be found between excess and defect. I have found this idea to be broadly true and helpful in determining my life path since I read it nearly a decade ago.
"I speak, however, of ethical virtue; for this is conversant with passions and actions; but in these there is excess and defect, and the middle. Thus, for instance, it is possible to be afraid, to be confident, to desire and abhor, to be angry and to pity, and, in short, to be pleased and pained in a greater and less degree, and to be both these improperly. But to have these passions when it is proper, and in such things, towards such persons, and for the sake of that which, and as, it is proper—this is the middle and the best, and pertains to virtue. In a similar manner also in actions, there is excess and defect, and the middle; but virtue is conversant with passions and actions, in which the excess indeed is erroneous, and the defect is blamed, but the medium is praised and possesses rectitude: and both these pertain to virtue. Hence, virtue is a certain medium, and tends to the middle as a boundary."
So What?
It came to me in a flash of (divine?) inspiration: in the Iceberg of Insanity, we must apply the Golden Mean. Now, I do not have all the answers, but I do have a few ideas of where the mean might be found. I will call this My Via Media, or Middle Way.
My Via Media
With very shoddy HTML, I will demonstrate below the extremes I see, and what I think the golden mean is. This is what I have so far, and it will hopefully be added to over time.
The Body
Over-restriction of the body ↔ Right understanding of the body ↔Excess of body
Over-restriction can be seen in: sterility through artificial birth control; eating disorders; almond moms; fashions that require physical pain; fear of aging; etc
Excess can be seen in: becoming a breeding machine; cosmetic plastic surgery; dressing to reveal the whole body; dressing like a little house on the prairie refugee; etc
Right understanding of the body: Knowing that you are an embodied soul and treating your body with respect, dignity, and kindness. Using your capacity for creative life prudently. Remembering that the Word became flesh.
Maternity
Complete rejection of maternity ↔ Right understanding of maternity ↔ Loss of self to maternity
Take with a grain of salt, as I have no children. However: there MUST be a way to balance the needs of a mother with the child, to recognize a child's total dependency while acknowledging that the mother has complexities. For those without biological children, there is an opportunity to practice Spiritual Motherhood (beautifully explained by St. Edith Stein, although for me it is a challenge to accept).
Submission
Refusal to submit ↔ Right understanding of submission ↔ Slave to your husband
I am still struggling to articulate this idea compassionately and with precision. Please see the section on Spiritual Authority below. Ultimately, the Bible and Tradition explain the importance of submission far, far better than I ever could.
In Defense of Roles
Roles are not inherently bad. They are instead a necessary social function; no one person can do everything. All roles are equal in dignity, if not in difficulty or complexity. Of course, roles--and especially gender roles--can be used for harm. Any Introduction to Feminism course will rightly invite students to interrogate how being forced into a single role "on the basis of sex" creates injustice and insanity.
But God does not force; He invites. God embodies us in a particular way to invite us to find our own role as women, away from hateful stereotypes or sheer anarchy. Humans seek narrative in all things, and to be without a role is to be afloat, left behind, and without purpose. We are both the main character of our own life, and a speck in the uncountable billions of people who have ever existed. Most importantly, we are someone impactful to the people around us, and we hold each other's lives in our hands. By accepting the invitation to our proper role and acting rightly, we bring something of God's order to creation. Not all women will share identical roles, but we have broad similarities in our role as women.
I will say it bluntly: No, women should not be priests. (Neither should girls be altar servers.)
Spiritual Authority
Sanity comes from order. Creation came in a certain order from a single, decisive voice. God is our highest spiritual authority. People seek to understand and interpret His will through a variety of methods with mixed success. To reject authority is to reject Catholicism; we submit to the successor of St. Peter, to the written record of holy people and theologians, to the living interpretation of Cardinals and Bishops, to our parish priest, and finally to each other. St. Paul's statement that women should submit to their husbands has been analyzed nearly to death, and I will not repeat it all here. I will, however, say this: a man (husband or not) abdicates his authority when it is against the will of God. Women can and should form their own spiritual consciences in line with the teachings of the Church and discern the men who have authority over them.
Professions vs Vocations
A profession is a means to an end, not a means in itself. Our vocation is not to be a lawyer/doctor/contractor/etc; rather our profession is always in service of our true vocation. All people share the same basic vocation: to become Saints. But we become Saints in our own unique way in a particular time, not as carbon copies of those who went before us. At the topmost level, the Church splits vocations into two paths: married state or religious life. (The contemporary Church makes room for singles "in the world," but there is no attendant sacrament, so, that's dubious.) Within those paths, people may or may not have a profession to aid them on their path to Sainthood, and God may or may not provide them with a profession that they are naturally suited to.
St. Edith Stein taught that women belong in the professions, all of them, although we are more suited to certain kinds. She developed her theory of spiritual motherhood in relation to the workplace, seeing how women can contribute more than just their labor. However, she stated that biological motherhood takes precedence over any profession. When I first read this, I chafed at the idea. Why should women be driven from society for fulfilling a biological imperative? However, what is society if not grown-up children who were, or were not, properly mothered? Ongoing research into early childhood development demonstrates the importance of the bond between mother and child beyond just being a milk machine. The difficulties of motherhood can often bring more opportunities to grow in virtue than the workplace does; Fr. Chad Ripperger wryly commented in a homily that the parents of toddlers don't need to wear hairshirts.
Ultimately, women and children belong in society. How we offer flexibility in and outside the workplace to facilitate that depends on our ability to tolerate with patience small children in all their sticky loudness.
Beating the Proverbial Horse: Biblical Women
In General
I feel that this essay page cannot be complete without discussing women in the Bible, but, really, so much has been said already. I am half a drop in a giant ocean with nothing new to say.
Proverbs 31
When I was young, a counselor at Christian camp used Proverbs 31 to shame me for flirting. A woman is faithful to her husband ALL the days of her life, so by flirting I was betraying my future husband. What a sad use of a beautiful poem.
Deuterocanonical Books
As Catholics, let's focus on those books the Protestant women never talk about! Judith is a shining example, and there is a great Old English retelling of her story. Or what about Sarah in the book of Tobit -- she has a demon that oppresses her and kills her husbands, but when Tobias marries her, he prays instead of consumating the marriage so the demon leaves? Really, we need more of the details of that!
Female Saints
In General
God gives female Saints missions, professions, revelation, graces, and a role in Church history and doctrine. God makes all sorts of women and uses them for His purpose.
Hildegard von Bingen
St. Hildegard von Bingen demonstrates for us the complexities of spiritual authority. She accepted her role as a woman and submitted to her authorities in keeping with her vow of obedience, but did not back down when she believed she was following the will of God. God used her propensity towards migraines to dramatic effect to demonstrate His intentions. As moderns we may be tempted to see her as a rebel, but that would be a disservice to her nearly eight decades of service as a Religious.
Edith Stein
I could not have written this essay without first reading St Edith Stein's essays on women. Read them for yourself--she does a much better job than I can. Or, to have her thoughts interpreted, listen to Prof. Catherine Pakaluk.Vitally, St Edith Stein argues that women should develop their intellect and be rational creatures without sacrificing their emotional and maternal instincts.
More Saints to Think About
St. Bernadette (my confirmation saint!); St. Monica (mother of St Augustine, vital for his conversion); St. Catherine Laboure (miraculous medal); St Faustina Kowalska (Divine Mercy image); St. Gertrude the Great; St. Margaret of Scotland; Sts Catherine of Siena, Theresa of Avila, and Therese Liseux (female doctors of the church along with Hildegard); the list never ends.
Social Scaffolding
The Benedict Option is not a true option; to evacuate secular society completely is idealistic and fraught with danger. However, boundaries must be kept, as Jesus taught us. In John 15:18-19 (RSV-CE), he says:
"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."
We must create our own social scaffolding and rely on strong communities to have the strength to maintain the via media. How can this be accomplished without becoming insular? Secrecy breeds abuse.We must resist judgment, petty comparisions, and toxic spirals. A woman comfortable in her unique role does not scorn a different woman for how she lives out her role.
A community only grows as much as the people are willing to nurture it. Mary Harrington wrote an entire essay on the importance of "cringemaxxing," a phrase I find truly delightful.As Catholic women, we must be willing to go out on a limb for each other and work towards solidarity. The tendency towards extremes is strong, and by accepting our differences we stay in the middle.
Putting It All Together
#AllMen
Women should not and cannot be the only ones responsible for all of this. Only men can end male violence.
Listen to Helen Roy interview Nancy Pearcey on her new book, The Toxic War on Masculinity. Dreadful book title, interesting interview.
Perpetually Under Construction
I am young and the more I learn, the more I know I don't know. God willing, I will somehow put this all together in my own life. Only you can put it together in your own life.